As a recovering perfectionist, I am the first to admit that I am terrified of sharing anything that doesn’t feel completely finished and ready for presentation and scrutiny. As a creative, I am the first to admit that holding myself to this kind of standard is crippling and unproductive. Now that I can neither have nor eat my cake, throw a strict, red ink deadline into the mix. Or worse, give me a self-assigned creative project with no deadline, just an indefinite infinity of unfinished work while I focus on filing my taxes on time and eating my groceries before their expiration dates. So, what’s a girl to do?
There are a lot of reasons that artists (and in my experience, particularly female artists), may be reluctant to share their works in progress. Sharing something that still feels raw and incomplete requires a level of vulnerability, and it goes against a lot of what we have learned and internalized throughout our lives. We’ve learned to feel ashamed of imperfection. We’ve learned not to risk failure. Neither of these toxic lessons are conducive to learning, growth, or reaching our full potential.
One of the most influential mentors I’ve had in my life (special shoutout to the incomparable Heather Castillo!) always tells her dance students to be fearless, shameless, but not reckless. I carry these words with me as a performer, a writer, a student, an educator, and a woman pursuing a happy, whole life. To be fearless and shameless is to give yourself your best chance at success, and to trust in your own visions and abilities. I for one am completely guilty of letting fear of failure get in the way of trying new things. Shame is also a powerful and awful teacher, and becoming shameless requires unlearning some deeply ingrained societal nonsense we’ve been carrying in our bodies since childhood.
The caution against recklessness is key here. While it is so important and necessary to take risks, it is just as important to prepare for the potential outcomes and take care of yourself in the way you deserve to be cared for. Depending on the situation at hand, being fearless, shameless, but not reckless may mean creating a safety net or backup plan for yourself. But most of all, in the creative process, it is important to not be reckless with your soul.
Let’s return to the idea of sharing a work in progress. When you decide to share something you’ve invested time, energy, and emotion in, you open yourself up to potential criticism. When you take a creative risk, there is always a chance that the results won’t be what you expected. Your work may even disappoint you. In these moments, be very intentional about what you say to yourself. Falling into the trap of self deprecation every time you haven’t quite met your own expectations yet is a quick and sure way to kill your creativity. Trust me, I’ve done it.
The truth is, there is nothing neat or linear about the creative process. Even the most logical, methodological artists out there will tell you that at some point, the spreadsheets start to melt together and the color coding system breaks down. Because we often romanticize the creative process (and creative people in general – hello Manic Pixie Dream Girl Syndrome), it can be embarrassing to pull back the curtain and reveal the real mess it takes to make our best art. My own creative process typically involves an alarming amount of hot coffee and a lot of crying, followed by printing out and cutting up drafts of my poems and arranging (and rearranging) them on my bedroom floor until I have something I can live with.
This year I’ve been working very hard to reorient my life toward my creative endeavors, and I’m feeling pretty successful in that goal. This would absolutely not be possible without the incredible community of artists I’ve fallen in with over the past few months. Letting people in on your messy process can be so rewarding, especially when they have beautiful messes of their own! My poet friends love to see updates on my posterboard of ideas written on sticky notes in my room, and I love hearing first drafts of new pieces they’ve found in themselves while traveling or living in ordinary moments. I’ve learned from their beautiful messes, and I hope they’ve found some useful tools in mine.
Of course, I can’t share my works in progress with just anyone. Will the stranger behind me in line at Starbucks be interested in hearing the first draft of my poem about how the women in my family prefer true crime shows over sitcoms? Probably not. Would this rejection hurt my feelings a little bit? Honestly, yes. Building meaningful relationships will fellow creatives and people you trust and mesh with is a really important step toward creating space for fearlessness while avoiding recklessness. Set clearly communicated needs, expectations, boundaries, and requests when sharing your work in progress, and pay attention to who gives you constructive, thoughtful feedback. Find and choose the people you need.
This is all to say that Pear Shaped Press is our own current work in progress. Will this blog post have typos? Most definitely. Will Megan or Stephanie catch them? Hopefully. We hatched (or maybe birthed?) this dream about a year ago with no strict timeline in mind. Between grad school, work, and living our lives, we kept coming back to this passion project and realized we were just too excited to wait. Though we don’t have this whole publisher thing worked out just yet, we really wanted to reach out to our own amazing community and include you all in our own messy creative process. To us, feminism is about being able to rely on and uplift each other. We want your ideas, your submissions, and your critical input to play an integral role in the building of our press’s foundation. We’ve got a long way to go, and we could not be more excited to have you on this journey with us.
Christina
Join the conversation! We’d love to hear what you think. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, or send us an email at pearshapedpress.gmail.com.